Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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