I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize