we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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