Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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