when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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