Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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