Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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