At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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