i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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