i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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