I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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