I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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