Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
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I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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