if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize