could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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