I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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