My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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