Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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