That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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