my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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