standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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