I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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