So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
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I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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