you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize