You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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