If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
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idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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