No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
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I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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