Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize