you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize