Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ugly people sure do ruin things
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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