I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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