if you like me you must not know who I am
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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