I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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