....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize