I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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