my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize