Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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