Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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