People in love make me want to vomit
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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