my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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