Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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