I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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