sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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