I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize