My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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