i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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