We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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