I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
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