I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
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Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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