He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I love having hate sex.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize